An interview with Dr. M, sensual bodyworker for women.
March 13, 2013
This interview was originally published on March 13, 2013 on nerve.com, which merged with refinery29.com a few years later. The interview “aged off” of refinery29 sometime around December, 2019. The contents of the interview has been republished below with minor edits for clarity and accuracy.
Aiming to please, Doctor M began his practice of pleasuring the touch-starved women of New York City several years ago. We sat down to talk with him about his clients, his technique, and that all-important moment when a massage turns from deep to happy.
What’s your typical client like?
The women who visit me are typically hard-working professionals, students, moms -- basically "the girl next store." This is a way for them to let off some steam and indulge their desires in a safe and confidential setting, without the expectation of reciprocation or the complications of dating.
Since starting the service, I've seen women as young as 19 and as old as 66. But ages tend to be evenly distributed between those in their 20s, 30s and 40s. And from what I can gather, about half are single, with the remainder either married or in relationships.
Break down a normal session for us.
Guests contemplating a session first reach out to me through email, and appointments are then confirmed over the phone. Upon arriving at my Manhattan residential studio, I’ll chat with the guest for a few minutes to help her get comfortable and settle in. I'll further explain what she can expect over the course of the hour, and if she’s open to sharing, try to determine her motivations for seeing me.
Guests, knowing they are essentially anonymous, usually feel comfortable enough to open up and speak very candidly about their most personal intimacies. By understanding what makes each woman tick, I get a better roadmap of how to proceed.
Next, I'll provide the guest with a fresh towel, and ask her disrobe in the bathroom. Upon her return she'll lay face down on the massage table, towel loosely draped over her. And then the session will begin -- to the backdrop of dimmed lighting, diffused scented essential oils, and soothing ambient music.
How do you know when someone’s ready to transition into the happy ending portion of a massage?
My technique is a slow and methodical process of building up energy and arousal. It does not include any muscle manipulation or deep tissue massage, but rather, a softer, more sensual form of touch. Using coconut oil, I start with long languid strokes, attending to every part of the body – but the most sensitive.
Observing body language, after a few minutes, I'll usually detect both subtle and not so subtle signals indicating the guest is now warmed up and receptive to more intimate touch. Signs of readiness typically include hushed moans, heavier breathing, parting or the legs, wetness, and slow hip gyrations that mimic the rhythm of my strokes.
Women aren’t generally known to be the recipients of happy ending massages. Is there a hidden demand that you’re meeting?
Based on my observations, most definitely yes. I think there was an episode on Sex in the City years ago that brought female happy endings to the public consciousness. Today, women’s attitudes are, when it comes to happy endings, why should men have all the fun?
With hundreds of guests, many of whom are regulars, there's obviously a strong curiosity and demand for this kind of thing. That said, there are many women who would never consider this in a million years. But there is also a large contingent who have been wondering about a more sensual modality of bodywork for a long, long time, without knowing where to turn. Thanks to the internet, and word-of-mouth, now they do.
What do you think the allure is for women?
I think women have long been curious about erotic massages but have had few if any options. Finally, here's a clean, safe, discreet and respectful environment. No drama, no complications. The focus is always on them without pressure to do anything other than lay back and be pampered above and beyond the offerings of traditional spa and massage treatments.
There are numerous reasons why women find this appealing: Some have ended relationships, miss the intimacy, but are not yet ready to date again. Others are in relationships but unsatisfied due to selfish or clueless lovers. Others are simply horny and tell me if they don't do something about it, they're going to burst. For all these women, I offer a safe, viable option compared to random hookups from a bar or dating app.
Then there are those with insecurities that they are too embarrassed to discuss with friends or an actual doctor. Common issues include women who are unsure if they’ve ever orgasmed ... to those who can pleasure themselves to orgasm, but are unable to climax with a partner ... to women with anxiety about taking too long to get there. What all these women find refreshing, is that they are not being judged, but rather, helped. And with patience and understanding.
"The bottom line is,
when a woman walks out of a session feeling vibrant and alive, with a smile on her face and a spring in her step, that, I would say, is a certified therapeutic experience."
You call yourself Doctor M, and your site talks about the therapeutic qualities of your work. What makes you qualified?
As for qualifications, I am basically self-taught and apply the knowledge I've accumulated performing sensual bodywork for hundreds of women. And while I am known as "Dr. M," guests are well aware that I am neither an actual physician nor a licensed massage therapist. The bottom line is, when a woman walks out of a session feeling vibrant and alive, with a smile on her face and a spring in her step, that, I would say, is a certified therapeutic experience.
Where’d you learn your technique?
From my earliest intimate experiences as a teen I've been told I have a natural intuitive touch. Without giving up my trade secrets, one thing I can share is that hands and fingers don't get enough credit. Hands have built intricate structures and crafted beautiful art. They are eminently flexible and dexterous, and when used thoughtfully and skillfully, can pleasure women in magical ways that PIV can't.
Do clients ever reciprocate, or do you have a policy against that?
I never expect or demand any type of reciprocation from guests. But for some, it heightens their experience if I'm aroused too. For some women, getting others off is just as hot as getting off themselves, and they’ve asked if they can “return the favor.” I’m open, within reason, to whatever experience a guest would like to explore. My policy is that anything that goes beyond hands needs to be explicitly requested by the guest in no uncertain terms.
Have you ever started seeing one of your clients, or is it all business?
Basically, it's all business. While I am “friendly” with many of the regulars, I don’t consider them my “friends.” I would never go out socially with them or date them. My feeling is crossing that boundary would get pretty messy, pretty quickly. Better to keep the two worlds separate.
So, you’re a straight guy who seems like he’d do fine out there dating. What do you get out of giving happy ending massages?
I feel extremely blessed and fortunate to be doing something I love to do – and that countless women desire and value. To me, there's nothing quite as gratifying as helping a woman achieve the pinnacle of pleasure her body is capable of.